Letter to my Sir

                                                                                                                                      1/08/2012

Sir,

You have asked me to write and explain to you why I feel a Domestic Discipline type of relationship is for me. I know we have talked a lot about it and I have read a lot about it. Its funny because everything in my my mind, body and soul tells me this is for me, however I am finding it difficult to write about. So I have come back to this page several times. I am writing from my heart, I let it guide my hand. I write from the passion I feel with in myself.

I have had this empty feeling for a long time. Something unfulfilled in my heart, that I yearn to have filled. I have always felt out of place, never quite at “home”. I have been in many relationships. All failed for a variety of reasons. I felt like I tried my hardest for what I knew at the time. I gave my all, but I still didn't feel content, wanted or desired. I rarely felt appreciated. I always had that emptiness or there has to be more out there some where feeling.

I know this may be random, but I just realized something while writing this. Many people have asked me why did I adopted so many children, and took on so may “projects”..... You know that I believe I did it because it would make me accountable and give me the structure I yearned for and needed. I also thought it would make my husband become a man and stand up for his family. Take control and lay down the law, but he never did. And even if he had, looking back through hindsight I wouldn’t have respected him. It was too late for that. I also didn't know how to ask because I only thought those were abusive relationships. There was no way they could be filled with love, respect and total and complete trust. How could I trust any man in that way, when they have always hurt me. I wanted to have the control, because then maybe I wouldn't get hurt. Guess what? So not true, I still got hurt and I hurt many people along the way. It made me a bitter and ungrateful person. I hated myself. Just a thought. :)

I have often thought or dreamed about a relationship when I could be the woman and the man in my life be the Head of Household. I would have rules and expectations that were to be followed and if I broke a rule or he felt I was out of line then  he would correct me as he felt necessary. Someone that I can put my total trust in and know that every decision that he made was in the best interest of me , us or our family. He would never be abusive however, he would be firm in his correction and rules. He would guide and mold me to be the greatest women I could be. He would take me when he felt, be firm when he needed yet give more affection, love and pleasure that I ever thought possible. He would love protect and care for me like no other man has.

A Domestic Discipline based relationship feels natural and liberating to me. That emptiness I once felt is now gone. Where I felt lost before, no sense of direction I now feel I am on the right path. I can feel it in my heart and the blood that courses through my veins. I feel such a strong sense of finally “fitting” in and belonging, so to speak. I love being a woman and having a man that is in total control and trusting him with every move he makes. It is something that feels uplifting and honorable. I am at peace with myself, after almost 32 years of life.

The communication level is something I have never experienced or seen in any other relationship. If there is a disagreement we stay calm and walk through it. I have never felt such closeness and openness with any one else before. It isn't about sex or smacking me around. It was about what was best for me/us. I feel a connection like I have never felt before. I finally have structure and I feel safe,protected and loved even when I am being disciplined for breaking rules. I know you only want whats best for me.

I have never felt so good about something I have chosen for myself, and yes I did say I choose this for myself. Sure you told me about, and pointed to where I could find more information about it, but I really have the choice and I want this more then anything in the world. It will help me grow as a person, a mother and lover. It will be fulfilling and rewarding. I look forward to this journey with an open heart and mind.

                                                                                                                                    Yours truly,

                                                                                                                                               Adria