1/08/2012
Sir,
You
have asked me to write and explain to you why I feel a Domestic
Discipline type of relationship is for me. I know we have talked a
lot about it and I have read a lot about it. Its funny because
everything in my my mind, body and soul tells me this is for me,
however I am finding it difficult to write about. So I have come back
to this page several times. I am writing from my heart, I let it
guide my hand. I write from the passion I feel with in myself.
I
have had this empty feeling for a long time. Something unfulfilled
in my heart, that I yearn to have filled. I have always felt out of
place, never quite at “home”. I have been in many relationships.
All failed for a variety of reasons. I felt like I tried my hardest
for what I knew at the time. I gave my all, but I still didn't feel
content, wanted or desired. I rarely felt appreciated. I always had
that emptiness or there has to be more out there some where feeling.
I
know this may be random, but I just realized something while writing
this. Many people have asked me why did I adopted so many children,
and took on so may “projects”..... You know that I believe I did
it because it would make me accountable and give me the structure I
yearned for and needed. I also thought it would make my husband
become a man and stand up for his family. Take control and lay down
the law, but he never did. And even if he had, looking back through
hindsight I wouldn’t have respected him. It was too late for that.
I also didn't know how to ask because I only thought those were
abusive relationships. There was no way they could be filled with
love, respect and total and complete trust. How could I trust any man
in that way, when they have always hurt me. I wanted to have the
control, because then maybe I wouldn't get hurt. Guess what? So not
true, I still got hurt and I hurt many people along the way. It made
me a bitter and ungrateful person. I hated myself. Just a thought. :)
I
have often thought or dreamed about a relationship when I could be
the woman and the man in my life be the Head of Household. I would
have rules and expectations that were to be followed and if I broke a
rule or he felt I was out of line then he would correct me as he
felt necessary. Someone that I can put my total trust in and know
that every decision that he made was in the best interest of me , us
or our family. He would never be abusive however, he would be firm in
his correction and rules. He would guide and mold me to be the
greatest women I could be. He would take me when he felt, be firm
when he needed yet give more affection, love and pleasure that I ever
thought possible. He would love protect and care for me like no other
man has.
A
Domestic Discipline based relationship feels natural and liberating
to me. That emptiness I once felt is now gone. Where I felt lost
before, no sense of direction I now feel I am on the right path. I
can feel it in my heart and the blood that courses through my veins.
I feel such a strong sense of finally “fitting” in and belonging,
so to speak. I love being a woman and having a man that is in total
control and trusting him with every move he makes. It is something
that feels uplifting and honorable. I am at peace with myself, after
almost 32 years of life.
The
communication level is something I have never experienced or seen in
any other relationship. If there is a disagreement we stay calm and
walk through it. I have never felt such closeness and openness with
any one else before. It isn't about sex or smacking me around. It was
about what was best for me/us. I feel a connection like I have never
felt before. I finally have structure and I feel safe,protected and
loved even when I am being disciplined for breaking rules. I know you
only want whats best for me.
I
have never felt so good about something I have chosen for myself, and
yes I did say I choose this for myself. Sure you told me
about, and pointed to where I could find more information about it,
but I really have the choice and I want this more then anything in
the world. It will help me grow as a person, a mother and lover. It
will be fulfilling and rewarding. I look forward to this journey with
an open heart and mind.
Yours
truly,
Adria
